Review by: Samantha M. Siciliano
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Quick Summary:
I am constantly looking for ways to better myself and overcome my past. I saw this book on amazon and thought I would give it a try since I answered yes to 19/22 questions. My husband only answered 2/22 so he’s healthy in this case. If you are curious and want to see if this read might be good for you, here is the link to the questionnaire. Also, ask your therapist or doctor if this might be a good read for you.
https://drjonicewebb.com/emotional-neglect-questionnaire/
This book is set up in different sections so that you may easily skip to the ones that impact you the most, or if you are like me, read all of them anyway. The chapters that had the most impact on me were:
Chapter 2: Twelve Ways to End Up Empty
Chapter 3: The EN Child All Grown Up
Chapter 6: Why Feelings Matter and What to Do with Them
Chapter 7: Self Care
These are not all the chapters, just the chapters that had the most impact on me.
The Review:
First things first, although the world of psychology is developing and changing, the questionnaire I mentioned above as well as the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is not scientifically backed. Also, CEN is not in the DSM-V as of 7/30/2025. That does not make this any less real, it just needs more data and research and time to adapt to the world of psychology. Hell, it might even be proved wrong in the future, but no matter what I still learned some valuable information about myself by participating while I was reading.
Now, when I started reading this, I immediately wanted to argue with the book and say things like “my adults did their best in this situation.” This is different from parents having a moment or dealing with a situation in their life that has rocked their world. Every parent is human, has their own emotions, and can’t hold it together all the time. That is impossible. But these moments should not happen over extended periods of time. (Again, losing a spouse, parent, child, having a chronically ill child, depression, there are just so many ways that can really impact a parent and throw them into a tailspin). But a kid needs help navigating those emotions, too. They deserve that time to help them grow and keep moving forward.
Chapter 2 was about 12 ways to end up empty. According to Running on Empty, there are 12 different types of parents that can have an impact on their child. I hate to say that I “enjoyed” the vignettes (one or two per section) because those are real people who struggle with real problems, but they were refreshing to read not only to understand the parent, but to understand what to look for and see if an adult fit into that category. Each category is well explained, and I noticed that my adults fit into more than one category.
Chapter 3 was the most impactful. This chapter focused on things adults may struggle with if they fit CEN. There were explanations of the 10 themes, vignettes of patients, and signs and signals of the 10 themes. I personally struggle with feelings of emptiness, counter dependence, no compassion for self but plenty for others, guilt and shame, self-directed anger, the fatal flaw, and a bit of alexithymia. This is a self-diagnosis, but it does demonstrate what I struggle with often. They are all things I am continuing to better myself; it tends to take patience and quite a bit of energy. I am not saying that I have diagnosed myself with CEN, I see some characteristics that I struggle with and have since middle school.
Chapter 6 is about why feelings matter and what to do with them. My therapist and I have been doing emotional work for about 5 years now. Yea it’s a process. I remember when I first started seeing her and I would apologize for crying in her office, I would make jokes that were really degrading of myself, and I am still working on the fact that there is not a “bad” emotion… although I will argue that my anger and frustration are bad emotions! I also have an amazingly wonderful husband that is extremely patient with me and allows me to talk about whatever I am going through. He knows that this can be very difficult for me, and he is absolutely supporting in every way. Maybe it helps he was a psychology major? The major takeaway from this chapter was that emotions play an important role in helping us interpret and understand the world around us.
Everybody needs self-care! Say it with me! Chapter 7 is a must read for everyone. Yet another thing I have been working on for 5 years since apparently, I have neglected it most of my life. In all seriousness, I am taking time to figure out what I am interested in and developing those skills. If you would have asked me what I was interested in to relax 5 years ago I would have said the only answer I had: teaching. It was everything I ate, breathed, and lived. Being a bit of a perfectionist killed a lot of my free time with developing lessons and grading papers all the time. Now if you ask me what I am interested in I can say reading, listening to music, playing with my animals, painting, and annoying my hubs. That’s improvement. And since I have been losing weight, I want to add walks back into my routine.
This book was an easy read; I cannot say that it is backed research though. With many self-help books, there are things that I want to take and implement in my life and there are things that I want to leave with the book. Overall, I will give it a 3.9/5.
IN CONCLUSION, READ THE FRACKING BOOK!
Up Next: Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak
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